The Shame of Meeting Snooki

So despite my pleas to be an unbiased gossip reporter, our old friend Perez Hilton has opted not to run some juice on his new object d'affection Nicole "Snooki" Spazzatollimoscticholli. Playing favorites in journalism is a no-no unless its op-ed. His avoidance of the following information suggests that in fact he is hell-bent on keeping this anomaly famous as long as possible.

Let me apply orange paint to what went down when both myself and Manor's "It Girl" Gia introduced ourselves to Snooki. Mind you, I dressed for the occasion with a fake tan, awful half cocked hat and Coney Island shirt so I imagined it would be an easy sell. Also, I had already spent time talking to her obviously embarrassed mother and wasted 40 minutes blocking amateur paparazzi children at Manor from getting a nasty crotch shot of her. So I figured my good deeds would have created a warm feeling by the time I got to RiNo and all the hubbub was over. Boy, do I have an unnatural sense of joy and optimism when dealing with these things...

The following conversation occurred twice: Once, 30 minutes earlier at Manor when Gia was to be introduced. The second time was when I arrived at RiNo and sat next to her and her mom...

Us: Hi Nicole! Nice to meet you! I'm so and so...

Nicole aka Snooki turns her back, rolls eyes, ignores us.

Lauren: She only answers to "Snooki"

Gia: Are you fucking kidding me? Bwahahhahaha...

Me: (to Snooki's Mom who has just given me a embarrassed shrug) I garner she just can't hear me. Must be the hair. Have a good night ya fucking mooks. (Cries in disbelief that this is what the world has come to)

Well, there you have it. Our obsession with celebrity has given meteoric rise to a Melanoma rich, foul mouthed, Oompa Loompa zombie who now won't even answer to her Christian name. Not that I'm surprised but if this is any indication of what Americans consider talent we only have ourselves to blame. (Have you seen the Red Carpet interviews at the Grammys?)

Whereas Jwoww was a real person and has her head on straight, this fucking child clown deserves nothing more than a pat on the back and kick out the door. Good for MTv for lowering the bar so low that Heidi Montag now looks like Princess fucking Di.

Though it could be possible that she wasn't amused at my costume change but I doubt she can see past her pursed lips. Still, I ran home and scrubbed my fake make-up based tan off while crying in the shower. Despite my callous exterior, I'm really quite sensitive to these things...

Gia: Bwahahahahahaha!!

(Snooki's mortified but pleasant mother Helen is to the left...)

Thanks again to the folks at Manor for putting us in the coolest places ever...

Dinner with Jwoww

I woke up today at an ungodly hour after a massive hangover/recuperation from this weekend's frantic schedule/binge realizing a few things: One- I have completely abandoned this blog to the ennui of winter and need to regroup with people that want to read the occasional literary romp that shed light on Chicago's self-indulgent party scene as well as look at our pretty pictures. There's certain perks to our job and its only fair we share the wicked fun shit with everyone we experience. I am guilty of being an introverted 16 year old for the last six months, alone in a love lost with puppy dog drug filled eyes wonderin what happens next. Item number two- After Conan O'Brien's farewell speech, which reinforced how I feel about being cynical, I am determined to take these old bones and cover them in a fresh new sinewy attitude of optimism and hope whilst our world spins periously out of control. This year's first victim of my reinvigorated joie de vivre was Jenni Woww from MTV's mega-smash "Jersey Shore".
There had been a lot of speculation around the appearance of Jersey Shore's Jwoww and Snooki after they canceled to remain in LA the week before from their appearances at Manor and Rino.. Though I have never seen the show, you can't surf the web or see a magazine without some reference to the mega-sensation that is the Jersey Shore. To me, Jersey Shore is an evil place where a teenage boy told me in 1981 the day after I saw the Empire Strikes Back that indeed Darth Vader was Luke's Father. While Snooki opted to attend P-diddy's 16 year old's Sweet-Ass "Got my Maybach" Sixteen, Jwoww and her boyfriend Tom from her hometown came to the a suprisingly balmy Chicago and joined the LGN group's Lauren D. and myself for dinner at the Viagra Triangle's own Tavern on Rush. Despite the hemmoraging crowds in NY that resulted in a few arrests for disorderly behavior the night before, we were more than surprised to hear that just the two of them would be our guests that evening. Usually these things can spiral out of control before reservations are confirmed with agents, hanger ons, douchebags and managers. Instead, it would be an intimate dinner of four strangers, two of whom had never even watched the main attraction's show.
One of the biggest problem's going into a situation like this is the initial awkwardness. Jwoww had just been on a whirlwind tour of LA and NYC with guys like Leo DiCaprio coming up to her and taking pics and citing the lingo of their reality/sitcom. So imagine the surprise behind their calm eyes of coming out of their hotel suite to find two yahoos from the MidWest waiting with a taxi cab, one of whom is wearing eyeliner and sparkling sapphire shoes and neither who had any knowledge of the show's antics. Ok, Lauren was wearing eyeliner too. Moving on...

Lauren and I are no strangers to celebrity in our fair city but we were more than excited about Jwoww because of the debauchery displayed by the fans who showed up the week before. I personally was horrified at the blatant displays of fist pumping, pussy grinding and vodka breath that permeated the room at Manor when Snooki didn't show. It was a blight on my swollen spine and aching elbow, fighting these little fucking monsters for two hours as they demanded to be immortalized on the internet. The choice demographic proved that they didn't care about my old age...they would party harder than anyone in honor of the MTV superstars, despite the void of the show's stars.

So when the phone call came earlier that Saturday to attend dinner with Jwoww I knew I was in for something. I had to do a little homework and found a website of an ambitious girl who resembled my slightly accented, tough talking, and down to earth friends from Bridgeport or Harlem Ave . And at dinner, it was all confirmed: There was no pretension, no judgment- Only laughter, commonality and heartfelt friendship. She's like a character out of a Bruce Springsteen or Billy Joel song- just making a living, doing the best she can do and not stepping on anyone in the way. For once, dinner was not filled with people twittering or texting. We all ate and listened to each other like new found friends and I believe we all surprised each other with the ease of our time together. The subject matter of conversation is something left always to be left at the dinner table unless you're a gossip columnist, but the impression is what matters the most. And this is what I've told people for two days: Jwoww rocks and deserves anything she wants.

However, I can say that the stick of Porterhouses and Fillets had a convincing measure of making us want naps, oral sex or more drinks. That being said, the kids from NY went to the hotel for a lay down and I joined Tiger Woods mistress #3 Jaimee Grubbs for some much needed....drinks. Thought I was gonna say oral sex, didn't ya?

More to come on the dinner series...
Thank you to the LGN Group for having the continued belief that I can bring something to their increasingly amazing company and to David, Tom, Morgan, Aaron Collins, Lauren, Irene, Jaimee and of course my new favorite MTV girl, Jenni Woww.

(Yes, That's Jaimee with a Tiger Woods GatorAde!)

Remembering Gaga and SPW before they ruled the world...

This weekend, Lady Gaga invades Chicago much differently than 18 months ago, let alone last summer. Her show was so oversold they originally moved the Chicago Theatre shows to the United Center but protests from ticket holders resulted in a compromise at the Rosemont theatre. Sir Reeves is the only photographer invited to shoot anything at the show and Gaga is off limits. We have to thank our friends at Semi Precious Weapons for making it all happen and hope that the Fame Monster doesn't eat everyone alive! In an effort to fuel the hype, here are some pics of Gaga and SPW from not so long ago, when large nightclubs and small venues were just the beginning of the greatest music revolution this century.

Click Here for Lady Gaga's first Chicago appearance...

Make love to this underline for more vintage Gaga.

Click Here to see SPW performing at SXSW 2009!

And more pics of SPW here at the Metro

Parties of the Week: Chromeo in NYC, Betsey Johnson, and the DJ Hero Release Party!

Sir Reeves is currently in NYC covering CMJ and is shooting the coolest party of the week for Green Label Sound featuring Chromeo, Theophilus London, Amazing Baby and Solid Gold. Unfortunately, the RSVP channel is closed but if you happen to be in Brooklyn on Friday night, The Brooklyn Bowl will be the hottest party in town.
Meanwhile, in Chicago, I will be at enclave snapping the Betsey Johnson Cancer Awareness fashion show on Friday evening. For $25, you can be fashionably conscious as a charity drinker.

And then on Saturday, The LGN group, Outfit events, and Activision are having the DJ Hero release party at Manor. The hype behind this new video game franchise is pretty high, especially as DJ AM was a proponent and significant contributor to it before his horrible end. We're psyched to have Discotech bring the noise that night. Not sure if the game will be on hand, but its always good to celebrate video games with booze.

Wanna Party? Our Pix of the Week.

Thursday September 17m 2009- Our dear friends at Manor are hooking up with Stoli to launch the new flavor to incite a million hangovers "Stoli Gala Applik" which in our minds proposes the idea that everyone by the end of the night will be in a diabetic coma AND smashed. Why? Because the Stoli cocktails are FREE from 8-11 pm.
Proper dress is required and reservations can be made via: Reservations@manorchicago.com

We of course, are shooting the event which make it that much more magical.
Speaking of "magical". The closest thing to a Rock and Roll Circus is coming to the Metro on Saturday at 7:30 PM. The ever effervescent Perez Hilton is bringing our chums Semi Precious Weapons, Ladyhawke, and Ida Maria along with demons noobs Sliimy, FrankMusik, Eric Hutchinson and Julian Perretta to create house party with the best basement bands ever. This is the must-see event of the week in our feeble and addled minds.
Proper dress is discouraged.
And we, of course, will be there to capture all the glorious cunts and rockstars in their mania.

Tix are still available here!!!!

Clickable Comics Return!!!

Upcoming Events for the Darkroom Demons

Next Thursday, Justin from Semi-Precious Weapons (Reeves other family) will be performing at Manor for the Bonnie & Clyde's Uncensored Summer fashion show. A must see.

This Friday, after the Plain White T's Show @ the Metro, we join Derek Berry and party into the night in the Mainstage @ the Metro. This will be a wild little experiment so if you feel like a change of pace or can drag your ass out of Smartbar, come play with us. Sir Reeves will also be at AK that evening for the Plain White T's Afterparty.

Also, we are at the Metro ALL weekend with Dan Deacon, Plain White T's, The Horrors, The Kills and we'll be at some afterparty with some guy named Wentz.

Semi Precious Weapons perform Magnetic Baby at SXSW

Magnetic Baby Live at SXSW from Darkroom Demons on Vimeo.

Check out our favorite glam rockers from NYC peforming live at SXSW.....they will be opening for Lady Gaga in NYC this weekend and lead weapon Justin Tranter will be in Chicago for the Bonnie and Clyde's Summer Fashion show at Manor on 05/140/09. Don't miss it!! Follow him on twitter: @preciousweapons

Preview: Kings of Leon

So a funny thing happened on the way to the forum...This weekend, I was fortunate enough to go out with a bang before my elbow surgery and shoot Kings of Leon at House of Blues with the aid of our clients from Manor and RiNo. Problem was that KOL had a severely imposing writ waiver that I had to sign declaring I can't post any pics without their written or verbal consent. I have never seen anything like this except for Nine Inch Nails who protect themselves from Wire services making any money off their said likenesses, etc. Then the real doozy came: We weren't allowed to move in the photo pit, nor shoot from any where else in the house afterward. Their production manager was an affable English chap, but he made clear that he meant me especially because he spotted me shooting the Whigs from our client's opera box backstage. I wrote "Non-wire, blah blah blah." on the form and took my spot on stage left. Usually this kind of restriction is reserved for crack heads like Amy Winehouse, who will lose their shit if anyone in front of her moves, resembling the fire ants that live in her vagina. But I was surprised that my favorite band this year were such divas. Until I remembered that Caleb's security had covered my lens backstage at Lollapalooza 2007 when I went to get a candid pic. Apparently his girlfriend is some famous model. (How very original.) The whole concert was for charity, but after the security guard came to the opera box for the third time threatening to take my camera away because I was shooting the girls in the box, I freaked out.

Maybe it was the pills, but from there the night got defeated. We waited for hours for the Kings to come to the official after party at Lucky Lady/Manor and no dice. It appears the brothers followill weren't so charitable after all. I really liked it when Caleb was attempting to talk about the cause and referred to the "University of Chicago Medical Center" as "Chicago Hospital." Way to get in character. Nonetheless, they fucking rocked. And all for a good cause. Either way, I still got a cooler shot of the Whigs than of the Kings.
Thanks to De'mar and Nicholas Scimeca for keeping me entertained. If I could remember most of what happened, I reckon it wouldn't be as funny as I think it is.

LA's finest DJ quits day job...finds security interesting

Michael Stone (aka DJ Stonerokk) checks his new mic.

Today, musicians and clubbers mourned the loss of one the industry's finest innovators as DJ Stonerokk traded his high profile musical career for the anonymity of a nightclub security guard. Michael (DJ Stonerokk) Stone came to Chicago solely for a wedding but was a changed man when he was mistaken for a security guard at Manor nightclub. Upon entering the club in his three piece suit, he was handed a two way in-ear radio and told to get to work. "I just didn't expect it to be so...sexy!" claimes Stone. "I can't understand a goddamn thing in the earpiece, which makes it super exciting. I hear this garbled mess and it could be an emergency or someone talking about their raging case of herpes..either way, I can run into the crowd, flash my maglite and just start wailing on someone who looks suspicious. I fucking love it." While Manor has refused to comment on recent allegations of customer abuse from their security staff, it has been confirmed that Mr. Stone is in fact, on payroll as a security liaison, and not as a DJ. "We are proud and honored to have Michael serving and protecting the valued customers of Manor. While his work as a DJ kept us dancing, its his work on the street that will keep us safe." Commented General Manager Colin Comer in a recent press conference.

Congrats to Michael Stone on his newfound career!