The Shame of Meeting Snooki

So despite my pleas to be an unbiased gossip reporter, our old friend Perez Hilton has opted not to run some juice on his new object d'affection Nicole "Snooki" Spazzatollimoscticholli. Playing favorites in journalism is a no-no unless its op-ed. His avoidance of the following information suggests that in fact he is hell-bent on keeping this anomaly famous as long as possible.

Let me apply orange paint to what went down when both myself and Manor's "It Girl" Gia introduced ourselves to Snooki. Mind you, I dressed for the occasion with a fake tan, awful half cocked hat and Coney Island shirt so I imagined it would be an easy sell. Also, I had already spent time talking to her obviously embarrassed mother and wasted 40 minutes blocking amateur paparazzi children at Manor from getting a nasty crotch shot of her. So I figured my good deeds would have created a warm feeling by the time I got to RiNo and all the hubbub was over. Boy, do I have an unnatural sense of joy and optimism when dealing with these things...

The following conversation occurred twice: Once, 30 minutes earlier at Manor when Gia was to be introduced. The second time was when I arrived at RiNo and sat next to her and her mom...

Us: Hi Nicole! Nice to meet you! I'm so and so...

Nicole aka Snooki turns her back, rolls eyes, ignores us.

Lauren: She only answers to "Snooki"

Gia: Are you fucking kidding me? Bwahahhahaha...

Me: (to Snooki's Mom who has just given me a embarrassed shrug) I garner she just can't hear me. Must be the hair. Have a good night ya fucking mooks. (Cries in disbelief that this is what the world has come to)

Well, there you have it. Our obsession with celebrity has given meteoric rise to a Melanoma rich, foul mouthed, Oompa Loompa zombie who now won't even answer to her Christian name. Not that I'm surprised but if this is any indication of what Americans consider talent we only have ourselves to blame. (Have you seen the Red Carpet interviews at the Grammys?)

Whereas Jwoww was a real person and has her head on straight, this fucking child clown deserves nothing more than a pat on the back and kick out the door. Good for MTv for lowering the bar so low that Heidi Montag now looks like Princess fucking Di.

Though it could be possible that she wasn't amused at my costume change but I doubt she can see past her pursed lips. Still, I ran home and scrubbed my fake make-up based tan off while crying in the shower. Despite my callous exterior, I'm really quite sensitive to these things...

Gia: Bwahahahahahaha!!

(Snooki's mortified but pleasant mother Helen is to the left...)

Thanks again to the folks at Manor for putting us in the coolest places ever...