Letters to Uncle Karl....Part one

As I am on day 21 of my 3 month lock down for receiving my new bionic elbow, I have taken it upon myself to see how far up these series of tubes I can reach. So far, I have discovered that our heroes and enemies are not so far away. Case in Point: I have friended Karl Lagerfeld on facebook. Many of you cry sham, but I assure you that the robot has input on this one.

I was recently turned on to Karl Lagerfeld's Guide to Life by model/ intelligentsia Bridget Ahern. In his blog last week, he spoke of his "ugly cleansing" being undertaken by his assistant Anna. The gist is to remove the unsighlty ghouls from his friends list so that it all looks copacetic. I rejoiced, popped a bottle of Chateu de Douche 2008 (Ed Hardy label) and slew a few sly comments on his guide and lit up his facebook.

But why now? What besides his secret awesomeness had compelled me to harass a known public figure whom I have never met? Was it my jealousy to cobrasnake's constant rapport with hin every time he showed in Paris? Nah. I actually think my urge came subconsciously when I dusted of Grand Theft Auto IV last week and popped it in for the first time since last July.

Ce qui la baise, dites-vous ?

Yes, that's right. To all you little fuckers that don't think video games are cool: Unca Karl is a DJ in the game, dishing out some sweet hairy insults and lovely euro dance tunes of his choosing. Nothing like killing a bunch of slope headed slavs in a oil refinery to "Get on up and do it again" by Suzy Q. Why? Because Uncle Karl knows better than all of us.

I apologize in advance for writing about the past to Uncle Karl, who is a purebred futurist.

Prime Directive 5: Steal Frozen Fried Chicken

So during work today, Reeves obliterated any chance of productivity when showed me his new prize from a vintage toy store in NYC: a 12" Robocop talking action figure. The shiny silver armor was almost as disconcerting as the fact that it made a wailing siren sound. But the figure looked EXACTLY like the Korean Robocop who is shilling fried Chicken and ripping refrigerators off the wall. What a tyrant... First he comes at you out of the TV like that freaky chick from "The Ring" and then he steals a family's only means of sustenance. Apparently, Robocop's maxims of honor and justice don't hold up too well in the Asian market. Bet he got paid alot for the ad though....

Go Robo!

Take that you Capitalist pigs! Photos from across the pond....

Samuli Ikäheimo is an incredibly talented photographer currently working in Poland. He is, like Joey Lawerence, not even 20 years old. Another ingenue worth wasting some time on....