The "I Hate Nature" Mix Tape

"June 28th. Yes, Knee deep in snow in June. Colorado Blows."

"Ooooh...Rocky Mountain High....."

"Mr Elk's Front Moat"

So me and the Mrs. went out to Rocky Mountain National Park, The Colorado River and Garden of the Gods for some Rest and Relaxation....with her entire family. Suffice to say, the trip offered plenty of breath taking moments of Sky, Rock and Trees. But it wasn't until Day 3 that I leaped from the 2008 Royal Metallic Blue Dodge Caravan to hunt down the biggest game I would shoot. Forget Paris, Forget Radiohead... I ran 200 yards with a Tripod and a 600mm lens attachment (300mm with a 2x ring) to find 2 small Elk frolicking near a stream. I set up, framed it and gasped as they jumped into the water, offering a National Geographic shot. But my lens wasn't set on the ring quite right and the camera recorded nothing but a big fat blank slate of blackness.

"Ha Ha...Missed Me! I was frolicking in the water!"

I cursed Eastman Kodak and begrudgingly sulked off until I looked to my right and saw the King of the Elk...1000 lbs+, 6 point Bull...just mowing some grass in a marsh that the fat tourists with the point and shoots hadn't noticed yet. I snuck around the 6 foot high bushes that spattered the marsh and came about 50 ft of the massive Bambi. I set up the tripod ever so carefully and hoped to God that the obese hecklers from Ohio that were yelling at the other elks wouldn't discover my find.

I was getting ready and then...the bastard looked at me.

"Jagermeister's Spokesmodel"

It was one of those fight or flight moments. He took a long hard gaze and decided that my Flaming red Parka was not camouflage and that I posed no threat to his grandness. I took the shot, thanked him, and left. While I understand that its exciting to get a picture of an animal in the wild, its not for me. Once you get the shot, its boring. Granted, I was hardly embedded in nature. We were driving on a road when I spotted his children for Chrissakes. But I give nature photographers way more credit. It takes enormous patience, time and skill to make something interesting. Otherwise its just another landscape photo.

That, and its a lot harder to convince a frightened animal you won't exploit them than it is a drunken bar patron. Ok, not that much. But at least you can sue an angry drunk for knocking out your teeth.