Lucas, Spielberg Take Our Money...Never Apologize...

"You guys do realize you'll destroy people's dreams, right?"

Last night Sir Reeves, David Anthony, Me and the Wife and two nice imports from the Ukraine went to see the cash cow Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth Lab. At least that's what it felt like by the time we stumbled dumbfounded out of the theater. Reeves and I had agreed in our cynical laughter and muffled cries of dismay that this was an abysmal mess of a film. From a photographer's point of view, its even a larger disaster. You see, the original trilogy was shot by the brilliant Douglas Slocombe, ASC. RIP. And for the last 20 years, Spielberg has employed Colombia College Chicago's Alum, Janus Kaminski. Now, Kaminski is the master of overexposure, raw handheld and grainy film and a huge influence in my twisted mind. But Slocombe was a painter of light, a technician who understood the wide shot and knew how to make it all just feel believable enough that you were on a personal journey with Henry Jones, Jr. Blue skies were never out of reach for Slocombe. (Just watch Last Crusade's opening sequence in Utah for an example). In interviews, Spielberg and Kaminski had vowed to do Slocombe justice. But as we limped out of the horrorshow I felt like the traditional, practical camera work of Slocombe was lost in an overexposed, green screen & cgi-laden vomitorium. Casting our foul opinion of the film aside, the way the film was lit was reason alone for me to go to the adjoining theater and catch the remaining half of Iron Man again. (If you were to attach Kinoflos and reflectors to everyone's chest, that would explain the look of the film.) I understand that because everyone is three times older than Shia LeBouf you have to light softly....But that doesn't mean diffuse and blow out everything? You wouldn't believe how much light can penetrate the Amazon rainforest back in the fifties! Or in the darkest of corners of [Insert Random Tomb Here]. But that light will never shine on this film in hindsight, that's for sure. That is, unless, you're a fan of monkeys and Prairie Dogs. Because, in the end, that will be all that I remember about this film...along with wondering why Indiana Jones married the Joker.