An Angry Cautionary Tale: DJ AM

"New York, New York. Big city of dreams, but everything in New York ain't always what it seems." - DJ AM, August 25th. Last Tweet. (from Grandmaster Flash's "NY, NY")

Just glancing at my flock feeds of Facebook and Twitter all I see are hundreds of tweets and status updates are shout outs to the master of the decks and now fallen Adam Goldstein aka DJ AM. That doesn't change the fact that I'm so spooked by his sudden passing, especially since it looks like a nasty situation. As a former AA participant who attended meetings with him when he was in town, this is the last thing anyone who knew him ever expected- His resolve for sobriety was so strong and contagious it hurts to think he did this to himself, especially since his new MTV show was about facing addiction with youngsters. And that's where I think part of the problem was. But until his camp comes out and says what's the real deal, I'm gonna play my anger and bitter disappointment close to the chest.

But it certainly brings up qualms about the power of AA versus the power of a person's will. After 3.2 years in the program, I became a firm believer that the further you stray from the chemicals that you crave, the more susceptible you are to a deadly dose further down the line. I also developed a deep seeded disdain for anything remotely religious or "spiritual"when it became obvious that no higher power was keeping people from falling to the dark side. I watched countless member's relapses turn fatal in the program and became increasingly numb to the announcement "so and so is no longer with us after ingesting Drano, Cocaine, Heroin and some Tums last weekend...blah blah blah."

Yet Adam was a shining light in the rooms of soot covered souls that hold hands in an effort to combat their inner demons. And therein lies the problem of recovery: There actually is very few scientific cures that are effective. It didn't take long for both doctors and addicts to realize the best way to get over their "sickness" was to talk about it. Unfortunately talking about it also breeds a need to relive it, hence the success rate of rehab only hits around 60% and they say anyone sober is 85% likely to relapse at some point. And its not beyond my shallow opinion that working with addicts can re-ignite the flame of selfish pursuits. Just walking down that path is always a risk. Its just unfortunate that with AM, the path proved treacherous.


Our condolences to all of his dear friends and family. You are already missed.