Signs of the Apocalypse: This week's strangest parties

Its never in good taste to berate our clients. Instead, we are going to promote what is certainly the strangest pair of parties all week, both which can be found at River North's super club, enclave. First off, Cascada is coming to lip synch all of your favorite anonymous club anthems on Thursday, which will probably cause all the Ed Hardy and Affliction shirts to pop off each 'roided flexed chest in a cacophony of "Bro!!!!" calls during "Evacuate the Dancefloor." As if it couldn't get any stranger, The Liposuction Cosmetic Institute is hell-bent on convincing the already grotesque and insecure clientele that they are in desparate need of some sort of reconstructive adjustment, whether it be nose, breasts, abs, ass or even calves. The butchers are coming so if you're set on upping your own personal evolution, this party is for you.

Oh, and rest assured. Sir Reeves will be there capturing everyone.